Not To Me
by Patootp
Summary: 'The girl who counted down days on her wall, waiting for someone to come and collect her, now had a home.' What if Rey took his hand? What would that look like? An exploration and collection of musings between Rey and Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo in a Dark Rey AU from the end of TLJ. Reylo. Angsty PWP... with light plot. Work in progress.
1. Not to me

**Not To Me**

By Patootp

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Heavy Hearted – The Jungle Giants

Better in Blak – Thelma Plum

Disclaimer: I haven't read any of the EU for Star Wars or for the Sequel Trilogy, so there will be holes. Knowledge is based purely off the movies and other read fan fiction, if there are any corrections please do let me know!

I posted this first chapter 'hot of the press style' and have re-uploaded this to correct a few mistakes and hopefully make my intentions slightly clearer. This is my first time seriously writing anything more than a PWP one shot so bare with me as I explore what writing looks like. As i write further chapters it's sort of become a splice between PWP and a light evolving plot. Please let me know in the comments if it works or not, or if i should lean more into the plot or the porn. Feeling torn! Thanks xx

This is mostly porn with a light plot, although I must confess I do want to make sure it doesn't read like Rey doesn't care in the beginning. Also all the songs at the beginning of the chapter are often songs that I have listened to while writing and feel they resonate with the message.  
Thanks!

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'… not to me'

'… join me.. please'

She starred at his outstretched hand. A minute felt like an hour, searching his eyes. The way he whispered please, the longful look he shot her. She could see he was desperate. Desperate to feel connected, to belong to something, to someone.

That's when she felt it. Like a tug at her navel, a pitt dropping to the bottom of her stomach. The silence. Gasping, she turned around to look through the view finder again. Nothing. There was nothing there. Just splinters of metal, and flashes of sparks lighting up the void. She was too late. While she was stewing on her decision, the first order had fired their final shot. They were gone. Searching around her for any signal that there were survivors she was met with silence.

Trembling lip, she could feel the tears dripping down her cheeks and chin.

Her friends, they were gone. Her family. Gone. His words were ringing in her ears. '.. You are nothing, nothing'. She was nothing. No one from nowhere, now with no family. She couldn't even protect them. How was she to believe that she could do this? She hadn't been able to do anything before, except scavenge and survive. She couldn't even feed herself. How on earth was she supposed to protect people? The last Jedi? Is that was she was? Laughing at herself, her dreams, she hung her head. She was alone again.

Turning her head back to him, she saw the pain in his eyes. She knew he could feel her indecision, her anguish.

Taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, she turned to him again. She couldn't be alone again. Not now. She'd had a taste of belonging and she couldn't, no - wouldn't, go back.

Stepping forward she slipped her hand into his, feeling his fingers close around hers.

He let go of the breath he had been holding.

She inhaled sharply, summoning some sense of resolve in her decision.

'.. It's time to let old things die, Rey'.

He said again, offering it as a statement of comfort. What comfort he could provide at any rate. She knew he was deeper than the empty words he offered. Nobody she knew had eyes filled with so much pain.

Turning, hands intertwined, he lead her through the burning wreck of Snope's quarters. Saying nothing.

She stepped over the bodies of guards, willing herself not to look back at the wreckage behind them. At the view finder. At any hope she had that maybe one ship at survived. That that ship was filled with her friends. That they would make landfall shortly and start again. She hadn't felt the hole in the force. The one that she thought she might when Leia died. But maybe her connection wasn't as strong as she thought. Maybe she had too much darkness in her.

Stepping through a door to the left of the throne, they moved quickly down corridors. Hands still intertwined. He was moving fast, intent showing in his steps. At least he had a plan. She just let herself follow, each step hollow and painful.

The pain. She could feel it simmering under her skin. Filling gaps within herself where the people she loved and fought for used to live. Leia. Luke. Poe. Finn.

She could feel the thrum of it in her pulse, in the tingles in her fingertips. Her breathing, calmer, her resolve, fixed. The further she moved away from the throne room, the further she moved from herself.

Ren stopped short, causing her to bump into his side. She looked around taking in where they were. A service corridor.

Taking a breath, and casting weary eyes over her he waved his hand at a pad at the door. Whooshing open she looked into the black room, nothing but stars visible in the dimness.

Stepping inside she realised it must be his quarters, a small room opening up to a large view port. Nothing but stars.

It was then that he let her hand drop from his. He paused for a second before moving forward into the darkness familiar with the obstacles within the room. He moved to the side of the room and flicked on a small lamp.

Turning to her again he stood awkwardly next to his bed. Rey realised he hadn't actually expected her to follow. Now that she had, he wasn't sure what the next move was. Snope - dead. The resistance - dead. The rebels… dead.

Standing in the centre of the room, she looked around. The bed was impeccably made. There was nothing of personality in the room, no droids, no holo's, nothing that would give her an idea of the man she was sharing air with.

'Rey.. I…' He started before stopping and looking at his feet. The look of a man who had everything he wanted at his fingertips but no idea how to interact with it. How to piece it together so it fit.

Letting a chuckle from her lips, she smiled at him. He looked up shocked, expecting many things, but not a laugh. She walked towards him with a confidence she didn't realise she had.

'Ren, you've chased me across a galaxy, you have offered to teach me and guide me and show me a world of promised things. But you get me next to a bed and now you're feeble and lost?' She said, calmly into the void between them.

She saw a spark of anger cross his face, before the calm returned. Drawing himself to his full height he intently stared back.

'Of all the things I have planned in my life, this is not one of them' He muttered back taking a step closer to her.

She stood, tall and resolute and she thought about what her next step would be. She needed a teacher. He would be it. She needed power. Maybe now it came from darkness. The freedom to explore the parts of her that didn't make sense. The fear that it would lead her to a place she shouldn't be was gone. Sure, Luke still floated out in the universe, but he didn't believe in Kylo Ren, and he didn't believe in her. He was stuck miserable on his little island and offered her nothing.

Not like this man. He stood before her and offered her the world.

The more she thought, the more it washed the anxiety out of her system. She hadn't realised how up tight and fearful she had been. The soul crushing weight of being good sitting on her shoulders. It was gone. Nobody had any expectation of who she should be, she couldn't disappoint anyone any more.

She was free.

Ren, he could make a mistake a day and still command absolute power. For every fuck up he made, he stood stronger.

Licking her lips, she looked at him properly and fully. For all the conversations they had had in the middle of the night, seeing him fully and in person was something else. She could feel the power radiating off of him. The smell of his sweat mingling with the clinical conditioned air of his room, it was a heady sensation.

She had shared space with him on multiple occasions previously, but as friends, this was new.

'So, Ren… what's the master plan now?'

She sensed the confusion and hesitation he felt as he thought deeply.

'For tomorrow or tonight?' He replied cheekily, a smirk crossing his features.

A smile. Now that was new. The lines, his crooked teeth, the light that filled his eyes. Unforgettable.

'Either' She offered flippantly moving towards him, positioning herself on the end of his bed, facing the stars.

He moved to sit next to her, making sure to keep a foot distance between them. Although they had both made the decision to choose this new path, neither was really sure what the intentions were.

Looking towards him she offered her hand, half way between them, upturned and waiting.

He looked for a moment, before slipping his fingers in between hers, interlocking.

'It's weird, this sensation of freedom, it's like all the pressure has left my life' She mumbled, starring across vacantly.

'We can do whatever we want now Rey, we can change the system completely, we are starting new' He said, the passion and conviction of his statement weighing heavy in the air.

'I saw this in my vision, you coming to me, we both sit on the throne. You're a revelation in black'

She swallowed, looking down at what she was wearing now. Scraps of material strapped together to make an outfit, quintessentially her, but scavenged, just like everything else in her life. Subconsciously she must've known how today may have ended, she noted, looking at her choice of brown and grey, not her iconic cream and white that usually graced her body. She was dabbling in darkness in fashion too.

Suddenly, she felt two fingers nestle under her chin lifting her head towards him. Drawing in a breath sharply, she saw how close he was to her now. Pink, swollen lips and a scar, a memory of their first true fight.

'Rey, your gorgeous…' he muttered, as if reading her mind.

Then his lips were upon her. Soft and full, sending her heart leaping and jumping and setting the butterflies that lived in her stomach free from their cage.

Their kisses were soft at first, explorative, before the need set in. The need for more. The need for closeness. The need for togetherness and a sensation of home. His hands travelled up her side, into her hair, cupping her cheeks and turning her face to give him better access. Tongue delving into her mouth, deepening the sensation.

She acknowledged the sound of muffled moans and panting breaths before she realised that they were coming from her. Hands gripping his tunic, she pulled him closer, leg resting against his, arching ever closer.

Pulling back, sucking in gulps of air, he pressed his forehead to hers, eyes closed in bliss.

'Rey, you're driving me wild' he confessed, hands still firmly wrapped in her hair.

'Don't stop..' She whispered, reaching a hand in between them to cup his cheek.

His eyes tight shut, she watched him curse and quiver as the words left her lips.

'Fuck Rey..' he replied before falling back onto the bed, pulling her with him, astraddle his hips. Lifting his head to kiss her firmly before letting his hands run down her back, settling on her hips and guiding her ministrations as he ground in.

Watching him below her, hooded eyes, deep with need and lust, inspired her movements. Watching carefully at his every reaction to her pressure and movement, when he bit his lip she damn near died.

Sitting up her hands went to the bottom of her tunic, as she lifted she felt his hands catch hers. Confused, she stopped, looking down at his face.

'Not yet..' He said, shaking his head before pushing himself up to sit, adjusting his hips to allow for her position.

Still astraddle, she sat motionless, unsure what to do. This was what he wanted, wasn't it? It was how it had always been before. Not with him, but the other ones.

Watching the thoughts flit across her face, he gathered her closer to him, arms wrapping around her waist. Resting her hands on his shoulders, she waited.

'Don't get me wrong.. I want that - a lot, but it's been a day and I want you too much to cheapen it' He said.

Rey paused, tilting her head slightly, thinking deeply.

'I must admit, for how hardly you pursued me, that wasn't the answer I was expecting' she admitted.

'We have a lifetime' he offered, shrugging.

The casualness that he spoke, the assuredness. There was no question of her loyalties, no doubt in him that she was going anywhere. As with anything else Kylo Ren did, it was with 100% conviction that she was now his.

And strangely, she didn't bulk at that. The girl who counted down days on her wall, waiting for someone to come and collect her, now had a home.


	2. Grey of the Force

**Grey of the Force**

By Patootp

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Additional note: She calls him Ren for a reason, short hand for Kylo, but not quite Ben either. Sort of like a nickname.

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Drawing herself up tall, she tilted her head to the side, and studied the frame in front of her. In a similar cut to her previous tunics she was dressed in black - a high neck, leading to a v, hugging tightly to her waist before dropping into a skirt, a slit running from the top of her hip bone down each leg. Black tights and boots, leather arm straps and a belt. If she had known any better she would think the belt was recreated from a holo, a mirror image of her brown one.

Turning slightly she appreciated the view from behind, the tights doing wonders for her curves. She wondered if he planned it.

As if on cue and summoned, Ren breezed through the door. Looking tired, exasperated, she watched him. She knew he'd likely been talking all morning with the simpering idiot that was General Hux. He walked towards a chair, threw his helmet and cloak down, and ran his hands through his hair. Letting out a sigh, he turned to look at her.

Acknowledging her presence finally he faltered, hands dropping from his hair as a hungry look crossed his eyes. Without pausing for thought he marched towards her.

Reaching her, hands gripped her hips and yanked her the final foot between them, crushing his lips to hers in a hungry clash.

Humming with approval, Rey's hands dropped to around his shoulder, gripping his neck for support as her back ached into him.

Minutes, hours, days? Who knew when he was kissing her. White knuckle grip on her ass, and the sounds he made. They were maddening.

Pulling away, he rested his forehead against her before looking down. Eyes sweeping her new garb, the loops in her hair. His hand moved, to appreciate them, letting a finger softly trace every bob before tucking an errant hair behind her ear.

'Back to the hair loops?' He questioned

Shrugging, Rey replied 'It's the only style I know how to do.. Why, too light style for you?' she jabbed with an arched eyebrow.

He chuckled in return, 'Nah, just like the way they look. Part of the old with part of the new'

Taking in a sharp breath, as if steadying himself to be apart from her, he stood back letting his hands drop and moving back towards his things on the chair.

'Hux is an ass and an idiot, he doesn't' get it, what we want to do here, why I kept you alive', he said. The look of defeat swimming across his features.

'I'll admit, I'm not sure what the next step is here' Rey said, stepping towards him.

Worry knitting his brow he slumped into the chair.

'Luke is still alive, and someone else, I can feel it in the air, this power, something feeding me' He mumbled, eyes deep in thought.

'Luke has shut himself off from the force, trapped himself on an island in the middle of nowhere and has given up on himself. I don't see him as much of a threat.' Rey said, turning and walking aimlessly towards the view port.

'It's the someone else that bothers me, an enemy we know is an enemy we can kill, but this is new. And I don't think I will know until they reveal themselves to me' He replied.

Turning, back against the cool glass, arms crossed across her chest she appreciated the man sprawled across the chair.

Ren with his defences down was a new man, a little ganglier, softer. She had seen snippets of it when they had talked previously, over the fire in her hut, when they touched hands.

He cared.

Dressed in black, she knew the picture they painted was two figures, committed to darkness and evil. But it wasn't as simple as all that, she thought.

Ren wasn't committed entirely over to the dark side, she could still see the light in him. Feel the softness in his actions, in the way his brow knotted and the thought he put into his every action. He was brash more often than not, and when in the centre of his emotions easily blinded by fire, but when he was calm he took every moment to think.

She wasn't entirely given over from the light either; this was a holiday from herself. From the pressure and worry and stress that being 'good' had put on her shoulders. No whispering in her ear, that one wrong move would change the world. She'd already changed it.

So there they stood. In the grey of the force. Ying and yang.


	3. Fierce and New

**Fierce and New**

By Patootp

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'Come' he said

Raising her eyes to stare into his, she exhaled, slipping her fingers into his hand.

Turning he lead them through the door with a whoosh, back down the service corridor that they had used to access his room days prior. Walking with intent, again, it made her smile. He never did things by halves.

Swinging out into Snope's quarters she stopped short at the sight of the room, transformed.

No red curtains, no ash and debris littering the floor any more. The room swept clean and sterilised. The floor was a shining black, the windows open to the stars.

And in the centre, raised, two black high chairs where Snope's one used to sit.

It took the air out of her lungs.

Looking up to him with uncertain eyes, she stared not sure whether to approach.

'Go, sit, let me know what you think' he encouraged, unable to quell his excitement.

Taking in a shaky breath, she approached, taking the steps cautiously as if expecting the next to explode.

Finally reaching in front of the chair on the left, she let her eyes rake over it. Simple, cold, border-less black marble. Smooth and perfect. Reaching out she let her fingers brush against the arm rest.

Starting as a tingle, she thought she was imagining it. Pressing her palm to the chair, confirmed her thoughts. Electricity.

Like zaps, pinching the tips of her nerves, radiating up her arm. She felt the dark and cold energy coming alive under her touch.

Withdrawing her hand suddenly, like the chair burnt her, she turned to face him.

Oblivious to what just happened, he stared at her, expectantly, waiting.

Sighing and turning, Rey looked around the empty room again before touching both her palms to the arm rests again and lowering herself into the seat.

Unlike the electric zap she first felt, the chair thrummed with energy underneath her. But that was all, simmering, below the surface. She wondered if it had to do with the vision that he had, if it was the energy of the universe re aligning with her new decisions.

Brushing the thoughts aside to ponder later, she shuffled in the chair, before leaning back in a nonchalant manner, crossing her legs and letting her nails tap against the cool stone.

'How does it look? Does it suit?' She offered, flirtatiously into the air.

There it was again. That hungry slack jawed expression he regarded her with so often.

Deciding she wanted to play, Rey let her tapping hand stop. Before tortuously moving it to run down her thigh, pushing the material of her tunic to the side, pooling in her lap to let her material clad thigh and ass peak out from underneath.

Huffing he regarded her, hands flexing into fists by his side.

When the gentle movement of her hand didn't inspire movement in him, she decided to double down on their game of chicken.

Moving her hand up her thigh again she let her walking fingers slip inwards, towards the pulsing heat between her legs. Biting her lip as they made contact, she regarded him under hooded eyes, circling her need.

Catching on to her motivation, Ren suddenly straightened, masking his lust as he prowled the ground below her. Walking slowly, watching her.

When she realised he wasn't coming to take over, she sped up her ministrations, moving her other hand to her breast, tweaking the nipple through the thin material of her top.

Panting and sighing under her own hands, she let her eyes flutter shut. With the foreplay of the fight and the last few days in between it wasn't taking long. She could feel the pressure building in the base of her stomach.

'Just from contact, Rey? Fuck' he offered in the silence. Radiating need and heat wafting over from his position.

His words pushed her over the barrier, she could feel it now. The electricity sparking and shooting down her thighs, through the tight nerve network of her belly, the beginning of her undoing.

Pink cheeked, full lips, eyes scrunched in her frustration, Ren watched her before giving in. He wanted.. no needed to be there with her.

Taking the steps silently, he moved towards her.

Kneeling next to the seat, he moved one hand to sit on top her hers, the other burying in the hair at the base her skull, pulling her head to kiss him.

'oh..' she breathed into his mouth, surprised at the sudden contact that sent her tumbling over the edge. Whining, panting bursts of energy and pleasure radiating outward as she shook.

Kissing her softly, he watched as her trembling form settled back into the seat.

A man's fucking wet dream, wrapped up she was.

And then he could feel it, gentle energy ebbing and flowing through her. Like zaps of electricity. Something he hadn't felt before. It was cold and fierce and new.

He would have to explore that later.

But right now. He needed to kiss her again.


	4. All Animal Instinct with no Finesse

**All Animal Instinct with no Finesse**

By patootp

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Becoming the Bull – Atreyu

Duality by Slipknot

(Kylo Ren playlist by Star Wars on spotify)

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'Oof' She grunted as she stretched her arms above, feeling the satisfying twinge through her muscles as she moved.

Kylo Ren did not pull punches while training that was for damn sure. He'd insisted he wanted to train her today after watching her in the fight with Snope's guards. She had spirit and fight in her, but it was all 'animal instinct with no finesse' he'd said.

Turning to square up with him on the mat again, she dropped into a defensive stance. Sighing and rolling his eyes, he quickly walked towards her, kicking her left foot back about a foot. 'What did I tell you? Grounded. Balanced. Get it right' he said over his shoulder as he walked back to his spot, facing her.

Glowering back at him, she swung the light saber a few times around before settling, both hands on the shaft. Circling slowly they waited for their opportune moment, before jumping in swinging. Satisfying zaps of electricity colliding as they parried. He was strong, so strong. He'd always had been in their fights. She tired quickly, getting sloppy. Letting out grunts and growls out as she pushed him further off the mat with her wide swings.

Ducking under her last wide swing, he whipped under her arm and around behind her, pulling her whole body flush with his. 'Your too sloppy' he muttered pressing a kiss to her exposed shoulder before releasing her and stepping back again allowing her to turn.

Rage written across her features she dropped back into her defensive stance before swinging at him again. Lithe body dressed in just breast bindings and her old grey three quarter pants from before.

Cricking his neck to the side, nonchalantly, Ren brushed off her swing with a whip of his blade. Loose exercise pants. That's all he'd felt he needed to wear. Bastard.

Swinging again she brought an arm down on him, only for it to be caught by his hand. Grabbing her wrist and pulling it towards him, he pressed his lips to her pulse point. 'Left yourself too wide open' He offered, releasing his grip and stepping back.

He was maddening. This was his idea of torture. For every missed opportunity she had and he could've had a successful swing, he kissed instead. It was driving her to the edge in more way's then one. It didn't help that he had a distracting sheen of sweat dripping down his torso.

Turning and walking back to her original starting point of the matt, she turned, and squared herself again. Making sure that foot was exactly where he had wanted it the first time.

Chuckling at her defiance, he moved back to his original starting point.

Taking a few breaths, eyes closed, centring herself before lunging again. Moving her sword in her hand so the blade sat behind her she swung upwards, clashing their sabres together. Grunting with all her might, she managed to catch him off balance, swinging her blade through pushing his out of his hand. Hearing the hilt of his sword clattering to the floor she whipped around and blasted him with a puff of force sending him down, flat on his back.

Standing looking proud she flicked her blade off. It was his turn to catch her off guard; flicking one hand towards himself he pulled her through the air, grabbing her wrist and pulling her down flush to his chest. Eyes flicking across her face, before settling on her lips he swooped in.

Muffling her anticipatory moan with his kiss, he made quick work with his hands, travelling down her slick back before settling on her hips helping her move to straddle him.

One hand supporting her position above him on the ground, the other tangled in his hair she moved her hips. Adrenaline and lust coursing through their bodies fuelled their impatience and frustration at the slips of material still covering them. Breaking off from their kiss, he quickly reached up a hand to pull down the band covering her chest, setting her breasts free. Moving quickly to suck one nipple into his mouth with a pop, as the other was circled by his thumb.

Turning her into a babbling mess, she rocked on his lap as he laved at her chest.

Not enough. More. Was the unified thought, as he broke away, flipping her onto her back. Moving to continue his assault on her chest as he traced one finger down her navel quickly slipping it below the hem of her pants, wet and burning hot and swollen. Nipping at her skin lightly with his teeth, his eyes rolled back at the feel of her around him, one finger inside.

He was working her expertly, palm against her clit, pressure building as he added a second finger. Watching her squirm underneath him, working herself against his palm was agony. 'Fuck..' he mumbled.

Gasping she broke his revelry 'If you don't stop I'm going to come' she whimpered.

'Good' he said hungrily back.

Defiance flashing across her face she moved her hand to push his away. Pausing, wondering if he hurt her, he stilled his movements long enough for her to successfully pull her pants down flicking them across the floor. She then reached up, pulling his face towards her, swinging her legs around him and nestling him between. 'Oh' he realised what she had been stopping to do. Easing his pants down over his ass with her feet, she kissed him, hands slipping between to stroke him softly.

Dripping wet and rock hard already, boy liked his foreplay.

With a shuddering breath, he paused, eyes searching hers, making sure this is how she wanted it. Their first time together. Subtly nodding back, acknowledging his pause she guided him in.

Fucking hot and wet and tight and choking the life out of him. Inch by inch he worked his way in until he was buried to the hilt, stars behind his eyes, they both paused, waiting as she stretched to accommodate. When she started wriggling underneath him, attempting to work herself against him he started to move.

Softly at first, taking his time to watch every scrunch of her face, breath and moan with his thrust before need took over. Burying his head in the nape of her neck, he moved one hand to her hip using it to pull her towards him with every stroke. The other moved upwards, to her hand, interlocking their fingers above her head.

When he moved his hand to her hip, she could feel the rumbling of an orgasm building. The pressure of his fingers digging in accompanied by his moans softly in her ear and incoherent words undid her. Moving her free hand in between them she started to circle her clit, biting her lip as she felt the pleasure pooling, waiting release.

'Oh fuck..' She was fingering herself between them, searching for the final push over the cliff.

Pushing up to rest on his hand tangled with hers, enthralled he watched her face, her hand, himself dipping in and out of her.

'Oh… Ben... I'm gonna..' and that was it, he watched as she started to tremble, holding her breath as the pleasure washed over her in waves and he was gone. Tumbling over his own internal cliff at the sound of her breathy voice saying his name.


	5. Slumber

**Slumber**

By Patootp

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Robbery - Lime Cordiale

About You - CCIITTYY

Additional note: Story obviously commenced mid TLJ, mostly AU - however there is still spoilers for ROS, as that basic plot line i'm still following to a point. Be warned if you haven't seen it yet.

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_The feeling of ice water dripping along her skin, needles in her veins_

She tossed and turned as flashes of images passed through her slumbering brain.

_A throne… a different one to her own, surrounded by crooked claws, carved into stone. Jutting pieces of black angling around a solid seat, etched with symbols. Echoes of choir singing and chanting, she could feel it calling to her. Lightning bending and striking overhead. _

Sitting up straight in a cold sweat it took a couple minutes for her eyes to slowly adjust to the dark surrounding her. Soft, supple sheets and a sleeping form next to her. Running her hands through her hair she felt the drip of sweat, wet like she had been running, heart still galloping in her chest.

Letting out a sigh, she scooted her bottom back to rest her head against the headboard of the bed. Pulling her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around them.

She hadn't told him about the dreams yet. They had started when she sat on the throne in their quarters. She had felt that initial shock of electricity but thought nothing of it. The dreams at the beginning were just vague images and ideas, shallow enough to the point she wasn't even sure if she had dreamed them or not when she woke.

But as the days moved on, they were getting stronger, she could feel the icy cold blast of the darkness running through her body as she slept. It scared her.

When she had decided to join Ren to stave off the loneliness she hadn't thought it would mean resigning herself over to the dark, she just wanted a teacher. Someone to show her the ways of the Force and how to use to it to protect herself. She hadn't really realised how distracted they had both become over the past couple days.

It wasn't like it hadn't been with the other boy's. There was something primal and desperate between them. Something new. Something balanced. She knew he felt it too, the way she caught him staring at her, always with a pensive look upon his face. She could tell he was analysing this new sensation. What it would mean.

Feeling him turn beside her, she looked at his half asleep face, eyes looking back at her. 'What is it?' He croaked, reaching a sleepy hand to rest on her foot. The most effort his body could give at this hour.

She should tell him. The pull, the fear, the vulnerability she was feeling at this moment. How she felt the darkness weaving itself in. But she couldn't, couldn't bring herself to start. To accept the fact that she was realising there was something or someone else out there pulling the strings. Snope was gone, but he wasn't the only mastermind behind the Sith.

Instead she just slid her body back down into the covers towards him. Raising his arm he let her burrow in to the space next to him, pressing her lips against the centre of his chest. 'Just nightmares'. She mumbled as he cuddled her in, arms wrapped tight around her as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

'Tell me about it in the morning' He said softly, before his breathing slowly returned back to sleep.

…

_Soft fluttering butterflies across her thighs, she moved her hands, trying to catch them. They landed, and kissed and dipped and bit across her belly. But they felt good… really good.. almost like.._

Gasping as she awoke dream melding with reality, she could feel the sensation of lips and hands upon her. Looking down she saw tendrils of black hair buried between her thighs, strong masculine fingers gripping her hip and ass.

Oh. Good morning!

Letting her head fall back to her pillow, she felt the pressure and pleasure that had been building as she awoke spring alive has her senses started to connect with the day.

His tongue was upon her, circling and pressing against her clit as he hummed with satisfaction at a job well done.

Arching in a stretch and a moan, her hands buried themselves in the sheets as he buried a finger within her.

'More' she whispered between moans.

Hurriedly complying, he quickly corkscrewed in a second, working her and stretching her, filling her up.

'Oh fuck, Ben, yes!' She rambled, hands moving to bury themselves in his hair as she ground against him, following the rhythm of his ministrations.

As quickly as it started, it was over. She was gone. World crashing in on her as she shimmied and panted and fucked his fingers, riding wave after wave of pleasure.

Letting her ride out her final high, he extricated himself from between her thighs, wiping his mouth and flopping on the bed next to her.

'What were you gonna tell me last night?' He asked, laying a hand on her flat belly and a kiss on her forehead.

'I dunno.. something..' She muttered back, too deep in the post orgasm haze to care.


	6. Yin and Yang

Yin and Yang

By Patootp

* * *

In My Head (Cover) – Mayday Parade

Additional Note: From what I could find, Kylo Ren is 29 and Rey is 19 or there about's. I also initially had thought that Kylo Ren was officially Sith, but he's not – just dark side driven and easily manipulated by Snope. Palpatine is Sith however, so we will see how that works in.

* * *

Massaging his temples, he flopped into the chair, kicking off his boots and slumping back to stare at the ceiling. More mindless, pointless meetings. Things were going to have to change if he had any intentions of doing things differently. They had been floating aimlessly through space, with no more rebels to run after and no real aim for the First Order. Other than the prerequisite expectation of total control of the galaxy of course.

Rey's training had been going well, mostly meditating in the morning and staff/saber training in the evening. She was taking to it quickly, like he had expected her too. He was also generally enjoying the structure and routine of having someone else to practice with. It motivated him to connect and calm down during the day. Without the never-ending whispering of Snope in the corners of his mind he was actually starting to think clearer. If he didn't know better, he would think he was actually moving closer to the old him.

Rey on the other hand… she seemed different. Not when they were talking or spending time together, but in the moments that she thought he wasn't looking at her. He would often enter the room, and it would be a beat before she would acknowledge his presence. He could see the worry in her eyes, chewing her lip distractedly or picking at the skin bordering her thumb nail.

Then there were the dreams she thought he didn't know about. He could feel her every night, sit up with a start. It was starting to happen with more frequency. He'd attempted to broach the subject earlier, but she had pushed him away, and thinking nothing of it at the time he let it drop.

He suspected they were dreams similar to the ones he got when he was first dabbling in the dark side. Dreams that manipulate and play on the persons worst fears and nightmares. She was in a state of vulnerability and it unnerved him.

When he and Rey had talked in the elevator before arriving at Snope's quarters, when he had said he saw her 'turning' to join him he had never actually thought about what it would mean for Rey to join the dark side. He had wanted her company and companionship, for her to join him in his quest. He hadn't actually considered the suffering and pain that she would be in to be there. With the death of the rebels, she hadn't actually stopped at all to think or process, to grieve. Neither had he really …

As he sat their deep in thought he heard the refresher turn off. Finally - he was eager to talk to her.

…

Standing in the fresher, she let the water run across her face, enjoying the sensation of the hot water across her skin. It had been a good long while since she had felt this clean. While bathing facilities had been available to her, nothing compared to the refresher of the Supreme Leader. Only the best for him, of course.

Rolling her neck and massaging the tender muscles there, she looked down across her skin at the bruises she had collected over the past couple of days. Soreness serving as an excellent reminder of the work that she was putting in.

She could slowly feel the control she was gaining over the Force, an awareness of what it was and where it was and how it was influencing her day. It was exhilarating.

Shutting of the water, and stepping out she reached for a towel, patting her hair before wiping the water off her body.

Walking in to the bedroom to dress, she saw him sitting in his usual post meeting slump in one of the arm chairs. Giggling at his evident frustration, she walked over towards him. Catching his attention with her laugh.

'Another thrilling day out?' She said moving between his legs, kneeling on the floor. Arms folded gently over his lap and head resting on her hands.

'Oh, just fantastic...' he said sarcastically.

'What do you even talk about all day?' She asked, picking at a loose hem at the bottom of his cowl.

Looking up at the ceiling he sighed. 'Recruitment, retention, recognisance, resistance…'

Laughing again, Rey rolled her eyes at him 'Boy, that's a lot of R's' she jabbed.

'Not intentionally' he said back, looking at her with a soft look, moving his hand to touch her wet hair.

'Gonna tell me about those nightmares?' He asked, catching her off guard.

'What? How did you.. um' She baulked, facial expression dropping.

'You wake me every night with your tossing and turning, remember?' he said, raising his eyebrow at her.

Sometimes he forgot how young she was. It wasn't always obvious to him, their age difference. For how rough and independent she was you could hardly tell, but in moments like this – sometimes her innocence and inexperience showed.

'It's mostly just flashes of scenes and things or feelings' she confessed, eyebrow furrowing in concentration.

'Dark things?' He asked, assuming it wasn't soft and cloudy loving images making her wake with a start.

'Uh, yes, I guess so... Mostly just the same image of a throne, dark stone, and these weird carvings in it – it's almost like it calls to me' she said looking up at him, facial expression a mixture of relief of confession and worry of meaning.

'Hmm…' He said, immediately sensing there was some darker work behind her dreams other than the usual Jedi vision dreams.

'What do they mean?' She asked, voice sounding small and unsure.

'I'm not sure… I'll have to think on it' he said cupping her face with both his glove clad hands.

The second he made contact with her skin, she relaxed. He enjoyed that he had that effect on her. Not long ago she would have bristled at his mere presence.

Pulling her up to her knees, he kissed her. Her skin was soft, supple and smelling of soap underneath his trail of kisses.

Sighing into his mouth he felt her hands trail across his thighs where they were resting, moving inwards towards his zipper. Scooting his hips forward for her as she pulled it down, and lifting slightly so she could pull his pants down his hips he buried his hands in her hair, pulling her closer to deepen their kisses.

He knew this was a bad habit they had developed, covering their grievances with intimacy but right now he couldn't bring himself to stop her.

'Oh Gods...' He choked out as he felt her small, delightfully delicate and warm hand touch down on the skin of his shaft, working it slowly.

Achingly hard and dripping wet at her softest tough, she drove him wild.

Pulling away from his kiss, he looked on intrigued as she grabbed both his wrists, laying his hands flat against his thighs and holding them there as she moved her head forward to take him into her mouth.

Pillow soft and hot to touch; her tongue worked him as she eased him to the back of her throat. He damn near came just at that, sight of her naked, on her knees, surrounding him.

Head falling back against the head of the chair, he started to feel the beginning of a pull in the bottom of his stomach. Increasing her tempo to match his moans, she let one of his wrists free to move her hand to his shaft. Sucking and gripping him in perfect unison.

Moving his hand to cup the back of her head lightly, he looked down to watch her. Eyes hooded, she moaned around him, enjoying it as much as he was. 'Fuck Rey..' he choked out as she purred in approval of his words.

Letting go of his other wrist, she wriggled her arm underneath his cowl, tracing her way up his chest before scratching her nails back down, laying her hand to rest on his abdomen, pushing down slightly.

With an involuntary jerk of his hips he came suddenly, taking them both by surprise. Letting him ride out his high, and giggling she quickly sucked and swallowed, licking him up before letting him go with a pop of her lips releasing their suction.

Standing from the floor, she brushed her lips against is forehead before leaving him puddled in the chair to put on her tunic.


	7. Indecision

Indecision

By Patootp

* * *

Drowning in her he watched her delectable body move over him. Hand splayed across her belly, other resting on her hip he watched her slowly work him, astraddle his hips.

Biting her lip, face scrunched in pleasure and concentration as she moved.

Using every inch of restraint left in him not to flip her over and plough into her, he wanted to watch this, enjoy this.

'Mmun-ugh' She moaned, lips parted.

'That's it…' he encouraged moving his splayed hand downward to lay his thumb against her clit 'Just there'.

Trembling in her concentrated effort and pleasure she let her hand fall to grip his hand on her hip. The other pushed against his chest as support.

'Oh!' She gasped, eyes flying open down to stare at him. He could tell she was beginning to unravel.

'Yeah that's it, come for me…' he praised.

'Not... without you…' she replied, increasing her tempo.

'Rey… I uh – oh gods' he muttered, trying desperately to slow things down before he totally lost control.

Defiance strong in her movements, she let herself fall forwards, catching herself on her hands sweeping in to capture his lips with hers muffling any further protests.

Breaking away to breath, they pressed their foreheads together, each inching their way closer to the common goal. Hands on her hips, smacking her down in contact with each thrust, she moved her hand between them to replace his against her centre.

'Oh .. I'm gonna…'

'… yeah me.. too – gah'

They mumbled in unison, shuddering and gasping, moaning together as they each unravelled. He buried deep inside her as she rocked, riding out the last of her waves before collapsing against his chest, dizzy and spent.

'Fuck me..' he breathed out, brushing sweaty hair out of her face.

'Yeah..' She sighed in reply.

'That was…'

'Yeah..' She repeated, giggling.

Rolling off him, on to her side next to him, she rested her head on her hand, studying him as he lay in a half asleep stupor. He looked so peaceful, so calm, so… different. He was changing, softening – becoming a different person. He was new. Ben.

'What you thinking about over there' He muttered, eyes closed, feeling the heat of her analysing eyes on his skin.

'You seem different'

'How so?' he replied, opening on eye, cocked eyebrow inquisitively.

'I don't know… calmer?'

'Yeah, maybe – I've been feeling more… me recently' he replied, eyes closed again.

'I can tell' She replied, smiling, hands running down his chest softly.

'I think I want to go and talk to Luke' she suddenly blurted out.

Startling Ren, he whipped his eyes open, hurt across his face.

'What, why?' He replied tersely.

'I just want to see if he understands my dreams… If he knows what's going on' she replied, stubbornness in her voice, knowing full well why he didn't want her going.

'I can do that, I just have to read a bit is all' He snapped back. 'I just haven't had time..' He justified further.

'Luke isn't all bad Ren, he believes what you do – he wants to see the Jedi and the Sith die and a new way be born. He told me himself while I was on Ahch-To'

'I don't care what he says, he'll betray you too' He said, looking up at her with a pained look on his face.

'I don't think he will… I just, I need some guidance. Things are different now - he's all we have left'

'We don't need him!' He yelled, sitting up suddenly, looking down at her.

'I do!' she yelled back, sitting up in reply.

The words had stabbed him through the chest. Hurt etched all over his being.

'Well… go running back to him then, Little Jedi' He spat at her before getting off the bed and walking towards the refresher.

_He doesn't understand you… He never will, you need to learn from a master, not this mistaken little boy… _

Shaking her head, Rey looked around behind her… She could've sworn she heard a voice.

Sitting on the bed, feeling small and empty, she looked around the room before settling on training while she waited for Ren to come around to what she said.

Standing she pulled on her usual three quarter pants and bandeau before walking through the doors to the service corridor, heading towards the training room.

Mulling over her situation along the way, she thought about what she needed to do. She needed to understand more about the force, but she'd lost the books… well not lost, Chewie had them – but who knows where he had gone since her disappearance, and she couldn't go to Luke without seriously putting Ren on edge.

Entering the training room, she moved forward to the mat, dropping to the floor cross legged and hands against the mat in a meditative stance. Trying to concentrate on her breathing, she listened as she inhaled and exhaled, letting the world around her drop away.

Splices of images crossing her mind as she settled into her meditation - _the throne that had plagued her dreams so often, the island on Ahch-to where Luke hid away from the world, a rebel base with snow and glass like red crystals underneath, the control room of the ship with Admiral Hux stomping around, Luke's blue lightsaber… and a new one, hinged and glowing red. _

Her mind centred on the image of the rebel base, one that she hadn't been to before – no living soul visible but she could feel it, the life and promise and hope that had… or did live there. Grief at her change in path, the loss of her friends, her indecision and lack of direction overwhelmed her, she could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks but couldn't do anything about it. She could feel two paths calling to her… and that voice in the back of her head whispering, guiding her towards something she didn't fully understand yet.

Snapping out of her revelry she opened her eyes to Ren, panicked expression, calling her name and shaking her shoulders. As she became aware of where she was, she felt the shuddering of the floor underneath her fingertips and heard the clanging of metal hilt's of sabers and shields falling to the floor from where the rested.

Becoming aware of the sound of sobbing, she realised it was coming from her as she lifted her hands from the floor, shuddering suddenly ceasing as she broke contact. Pulling her to him, Ren wrapped her in a hug as she continued to sob into his chest. She could feel his unease at the situation but knew he wouldn't push it yet. So she let herself cry.

* * *

Afterword:

This is my first time seriously writing anything more than a PWP one shot so bare with me as I explore what writing looks like. As i write further chapters it's sort of becoming a splice between PWP and a light evolving plot. Please let me know in the comments if it works or not, or if i should lean more into the plot or the porn. Feeling torn! Thanks xx

... Which is quite in theme for this chapter lol


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